her words are strong."its impossible" hate myself

today get my result. hais not so bad :) life really very boring as day past by. wats the point of staying wif someone who's not home everyday. i miss mum, hais. nvm bah. i'll visit her if im free. today when to geylang buy stuff. but they nv sell. im so addicted to it. tot i can quit.

slp till nite 8+ i woke up. she msg mi in msn. hais. its i dunno how too cherish her. she told mi she change. wat she use to like, now she dun. i really dunno wat to do. i promise her last time by the month of april get her a pet. this coming june her birthday coming. i tinking that pet can be post ? but if post ard will she take good care of it ? but she told mi its impossible between us, she changed. remember last time she told mi not to leave her. but she very smart. she nv say that she cant leave mi. tinking of the xiaobaobei dabaobei? making mi miss the past. i wan to forget all this. but can i ? she told mi to put more effort to find more girls ? i cant belive she say all this to mi. its really very heart breaking. if its truth, she tinks that i will do that when i love a girl so deeply at the mean time ? my love for her she know?hais, i only can blame myself the past nv love her in the right way only say i love u wif the mouth talking.

i wan quit drugs. i belive i can do it. but will it be hard for mi ? spending money all this. hais taking money to throw at the toilet bowl.

i belive if i have the heart i can do. and i love u no matter wat. give u up ? no way. everyday missing u 24 hours u tink i can ? its easier if u ask mi to die, but dieing is to childish tinking. i will try my best to show her wat i should do in the past. i love my xiaobaobei? will she come back to mi? good luck to mi.